Friday, December 30, 2011

I want to be (pause pause) your sledgehammer!

No more Christmas song bastardizations on Music Lyrics Friday! No one is sorrier than me that I never finished my 'Jack Frost Roasting on an Open Fire' Opus.


Today's selection comes from a classic 80's song fraught with wholesome metaphors.


I want to be
YOUR SLEDGEHAMMER
Sing it, Peter Gabriel!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas Aftermath

Phew! Christmas is over! And we spent all our money. 


help me, i'm poor.
One thing I forgot to spend my money on -- Bridesmaids the DVD. Dangit! Thank goodness Mr. Floozy got me an amazon gift certificate!


And thank you, special customer, who ordered this sampler for your sister. I hope she liked it! 

Friday, December 23, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

'Tis the Season to be Coughing

Is it just us or does every single Tom, Dick, & Harry Potter virus seem to slowly domino through the family? It is like we are endlessly inflicted with some cough, sneezy, or puking bug. 


Which is why I stitched this...


Let it blow ... let it blow ... let it blow....

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The FLOOZY CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE is here!

Okay, techinally, it's over there at Happy Valley Crafters. But it so worth it! Go there! On Dasher, Dancer, Whatsherface, Prancer!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Femi-Mofo!

I'm not sure how many of you have browsed through my Etsy store, but if you have, maybe you have seen this: 


stay at home mofo
My super awesome friend Brittny, fake-bought this on Etsy and then messaged me saying, "Uh, since I am not a SAHMofo, can you make me a feminist working gal version instead?" And I said, yes, of course! Because I believe in the power of all of us women-folk-mofos. I don't understand the friction between SAHM's and those women who choose to work and/or not have kids and/or do whatever brings them personal fulfillment in their lives. I picture all of us mofos like the Whos in Whoville, holding hands and singing "Dah who do raze! Dah who do raze! Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer!" I mean, that is a beautiful image full of beauty and truth and Christmas goodwill, right?


Here is the final product for my friend. I call it the Femi-Mofo! Sampler:
free-thinking
leftist
liberal
career-oriented
feminist
MOFO!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Deck the Harrs with Boughs of Horry.

Today's sampler is both a movie quote and a lyrics . . . . quote. And thanks to Craft Gossip for the shout out!

Deck the harrs with boughs of horry fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Radiohead makes me tingly.

It's Friday! Which means I stitched something. Instead of movie and television quotes, I have decided to start something new! Music quotes. Also known as lyrics.


If you want to know anything about me, know this. I am obsessed with Radiohead. I love them. Love for them I have in my heart. See this general area where my mom chest is? that is where my adoration for Radiohead throbs with love. Throbs. LOOOoooOOoohhhvvveh.


My favorite song is Let Down, but I decided to stitch something from No Surprises. Mostly because the lyrics fit nicely with the whole homemaking kitschy theme I got going on.


such a pretty house and such a pretty garden
no alarms and no surprises

Thursday, December 1, 2011

This is what happens when Mr. Floozy goes out of town.

I spend the day taking pictures of my dogs.

Someone call Puppy Protective Services. This lady is crazy.
Please enjoy the fruits of my labors by going to Happy Valley Crafters and reading about it here.

ENJOY.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Pizza Man Say 'I'm a Vegetable!'

I am totally not cool with calling pizza a vegetable.



Because obviously, it's a fruit.


*Pizza Man hand-drawn by Mr. Floozy Junior.


Also, check out the apron version! Great for Christmas gift-giving,  yes?

Friday, November 18, 2011

My favorite television show of all time is . . . .

. . . . BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. 


I am sure that this surprises no one.


My girls have started watching it with me and one of their favorite characters is Anya. She is one of my favorites, too. I mean, this his how she describes herself:


"Oh, that's very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon. I can just hear you in private: 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal." 


One of our favorite episodes that we have watched over and over and over again is 'Fear Itself.'  You know, the one with the haunted house where everyone's fears manifest themselves? It is pretty rad. In the beginning Xander tells Anya to wear something scary and this is what she comes up with:




When asked why she wore this particular costume for Halloween, Anya answered:


bunnies frighten me.
Also, check out the actress, Emma Caulfield's, newest project -- a web comic titled, "Ripper." I have really been enjoying its Serial Killer goodness.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Firefly! Why did you have to end!?

I mourn the loss of many short-lived shows, Veronica Mars, Arrested Development, Freaks and Geeks. I makes me sad that they were cut down while in their prime. But maybe the one I miss the most is Firefly.


I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Monday, November 7, 2011

Today is really real TV Quote Friday. SO SAY WE ALL.

I stitched this hat last Friday for TV Quote Friday, but uh, the white crayon that I used to draw the lettering pattern made it look wonky. I figured it was no good, but then I remembered that modern miracle, the Washing Machine. And so I washed it. And the hat was saved! And somewhere Captain Apollo took off his shirt and wrote me a sonnet. Because he is sensitive like that. So say we all.



Monday, October 31, 2011

LITTLE LADY LINGERIE makes creepy costume fun time hey!

Here is me in my Halloween costume:
Me and my pretty pretty dollie!

Remember when I blogged on Happy Valley Crafters about finding a booth called 'Little Lady Lingerie' at the Quilted Bear? Well, I was just too enamored by the whole concept of creepy boudoir nightgowns, that I went and bought one for myself! Mr. Floozy was appropriately freaked out by my Halloween costume choice. 

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I just told you that I was beautiful.



HAPPY HALLOWEEN from Ctholly's Eviler Twin

So, remember Ctholly? Secret love child of Cthulhu and Holly Hobbie? As it turns out, in a shocking plot twist, Holly gave birth to TWINS. One was raised on a moisture farm in a galaxy far far away, and the other was raised on . . . . 


THIS PILLOW.


Licking Cats is a family HOBBIE.
I did the stitching, but my mom made this pillow sham in like twenty seconds. She was all zip zip bibbity do dah SHAM WOW! And then it was finished. 


If you sully me, I can be washed, yo.
Ctholly 2 was presented with love to Dame Toadstool. It was her birthday and I was only like two weeks late in giving her a present.


Cthulhu, Holly Hobbie, Ctholly Twins, and I would like to wish you a HAPPY WEENIE!

Friday, October 28, 2011

DON'T BLINK

Why hello! I have been unnoticeably absent on this blog and other internet hot spotz because I have been busy in the real world. The most notable thing I did this last week was clean my pantry, because it was becoming seriously lethal. You're going into the pantry to get some Cocoa Pebbles when BLAMMO -- a can of cream of mushroom soup falls on your head. Who wants "A Can of Cream of Mushroom Soup Killed Her" on their tombstone? .... Okay. Yeah. I do. Can someone make sure my gravestone says that? K thnx.


Today the TV QUOTE FRIDAY HOOHAW! is late because I went to the Witch Fest at Gardner Village. It was fun but oh so crowded. But my favorite part of the day was when I saw this at the Creepy Doll Store:

I want to call you 'Mommy.'

I know!


Anyhoo. Today's movie quote comes from my friend who wants this stitched so that she can hang it over her daughter's bed. It's from Dr. Who. Tell me you know what the Weeping Angels are or I will weep tears of blood and sadness. And blood.


DON'T BLINK


A much MUCH awesomer embroidery was done of this quote. I featured it on my Pinterest. If you want me to follow you on Pinterest, let me know. I'm all about following other people till they issue a restraining order. 



Friday, October 21, 2011

Creepy Doll has something to say.

Heya, Creepy Doll! Wassup? You have something to say to me and my readers?

i am going to make you cry and dip my cookies in your tears.*

AAACK RUN AWAY!


Wait. Don't run away yet. Here is one more photo so you can see the stitching better.




*This quote brought to you by Sarah and American Dad and TV Quote Friday!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My kids are "alternative-beautiful."

Every Halloween I set up this little spooky tableau on my piano.

Notice the holy water. That is 100% real holy water! I got it from a Catholic shop in Salt Lake. I pretty much wanted to buy everything in the store even though I'm not Catholic. I feel so much more prepared for the Apocalypse now that I have holy water.

And check out that photo of my beautiful children!



You too can beautify your children for Halloween by simply covering a photo with plastic wrap and then defacing it with sharpies.

Make sure you keep checking Happy Valley Crafters! I am posting a photo every day this week. It's so good, it will make you want to live in Utah! hahahaha.

Friday, October 14, 2011

BAZINGA! and my secret shame.

Last week's "Arrested  Development" quote was a hit. Asking for television quotes from you people who are supposed to supply me with material, was not. Only ONE (1) person gave me a quote. KrazyKris suggested "BAZINGA!" And I liked it because it was short and exciting, but confession: I HAD TO GOOGLE IT. And then I learned that it was from The Big Bang Theory, a TV show that I have been planning on watching, since, oh, the big bang ( I am that old.) I know! I am a loser! Here is a list of all the television shows I haven't watched. but I know that I should:


The Wire: Just power through the first three seasons, someone told me, then it gets crazy good!

Modern Family: I am 100.3% positive that this show would be my style, but I didn't catch the first episode, and if I don't catch the first episode, then I have anxiety knee-pit sweats about starting in the middle.

The Middle: I have heard that this is funny, too, and that it has waffle jokes.

Breaking Bad: I actually started watching this and loved it, and then my mom got cancer and I jettisoned all shows about cancer (see: The Big C).

Survivor: I am not highbrow enough to make any sort of holier-than-thou comment about reality television. I'm sure that this is fun, but doesn't this show take place all outdoors?!


Treme: This show looks stressful.

And of course, The Big Bang Theory.




Dork alert! The main reason I want to watch The Big Bang Theory? It has Billie from Charmed.


And I am sure that there are plenty more. I would recommend a few shows that maybe you're not watching? The United States of Tara (uh-maz-ing), Wire in the Blood (on Netflix! British, not for the squeamish), the Sherlock Holmes miniseries (also on Netflix, it has Benedict Cumberbatch, the most Britishly-named man of all time and Tim from Gervais' the Office), and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (so funny!).

Okay, so what should I be watching? (and include a quote with it, pretty pretty please).

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Be Weird

My new interwebz friend,  Sarah, from wonderstrange arts, made this wunderlich creation called "Death's Minions -- Be Weird." And I bought it.


And it is now in my house. And I am happy.

As a mother, I think that 'Be Weird,' is one of the best messages that I can tell my children. That it's okay if they are different. That it's okay if the jokes that they love are only funny to them. That it's okay if they are not always smoothly acceptable to everyone else.

Make sure to check out all of the beyond awesome items at wonderstrange.com. I love all of the artists there. I will probably be buying some more of their work, because it is my style. And don't forget: BE WEIRD!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

'Don't Take My Spot' Pillow

Every time my kids sproing from the couch to do a quick something (pee, eat a snack, sculpt a bust) they without fail say the same thing, "Don't take my spot!" Because once a spot has been claimed on the couch, it is now a special spot, full of mysterious comfort and perfected butt grooves. Inevitably, another child will sidle in and take the other kid's spot. Like nest stealing cuckoo birds.

Because I went to college for 7 whole months, I am now a Problem Solver. I stitched this pillow.

DON'T TA E MY S OT
Yeah, I need to restitch a few letters in darker thread. 

Now, please place the pillow down on your favorite sitting territory and go read my latest Floozy Finds. I won't take your spot. I promise.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Arrested Development Embroidery Sampler

To celebrate the return of Arrested Development I am going to start doing Friends of Floozy: TELEVISION Quotes Friday!

This sampler was screaming for lace, so I added it. (Actual lace cut from Lucille Austero's control-top panties.)

 

Comment on this blog or tweet or carrier-pigeon me your favorite TV quotes. Sitcoms, Courtroom Dramas, Reality television -- you name it. And don't forget, the shorter the quote, the more likely it is to be stitched. I'm tired.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Creepy Doll Heads Find Purpose and Meaning and Inner Light

I like Halloween. A lot. Pretty much most of the books I read fall into a subset of Halloween type literature. If a book doesn't at least have a vampire or a zombie or a ghost or a werewolf or a succubus or a demon or a gay angel, I have a difficult time mustering interest. Now, I've read a lot of great literature. I'm a sucker for a superb novel, and I will be coerced or guilted into reading one now and then. But, I'm a sad, ennui-riddled po' white stay-at-home mofo so I read mostly for the sense of escapism. My imaginary world is Halloween all year long. It is awesome.
That being said, here is what I did with the creepy doll heads I bought at the thrift store:
Would you like to play Twister with us?
I poked out their eyes and stuck them on battery-operated tea-lights. 
My children might need therapy for this later.
I also used an old doll I had from my childhood for my creepy doll shrine. I didn't even have to deface her or poke out her eyes to make her creepy. I just stuck a gray cheesecloth over her and put a fake crow, some rubber rats, and a plastic spider on her face. So cute!

Floozy says Happy Halloween!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Friends of Floozy! Genial Stalker Edition!

Today is Friday. Although it feels decidedly Wednesdayish. This week has been crazybuzy -- full of family emergencies that have delayed my Sorta Grand Reopening of Etsy. It was supposed to happen this morning, but it will be more like this evening. That is if nothing else goes wrong. (I just jinxed my internet.)

But I did get my movie quote finished! This week's quote comes from Eric D. Snider. He is my favorite movie reviewer because his reviews are trustworthy, hilarious, and well-written. I politely emailed him (carefully censoring out any 'scary' stalker fangirl phrases like, 'your favorite pajamas' and 'binoculars') asking him for his favorite movie quote. Well, here it is!

Little known fact: Whore Island neighbors the Floozy Atoll.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Good for all occasions!

I really need to get crackin' making BACK OFF eye masks. The ones that I have made have been especially appreciated on airplanes and in hospitals. My sweetie Portuguese friend, Maria, wore hers in the hospital for her baby's birth. Doesn't she look smashing? 
My store is opening in a few days, and I will try and get a few masks online. Also, let me know if you want a custom one that says something a little bit more threatening. I will give you the nerdtacular Battlestar phrase, Frak Off, for example. Or you know. The other f-word. With or without an asterisks.
 

Monday, September 26, 2011

All I lack is my own jingle

Floozy Floozy Floozy Finds!

Please tell me you sang that as a jingle. Out loud. In front of your persnickety boss.

It's Monday! Which means I overuse exclamation points! and I tell you all about car stickers on Floozy Finds. That's hard-hitting journalism at its finest, folks.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

My Ho'cruxes

You know how in Harry Potter? Voldemort breaks up his soul into several pieces like stale taffy and hides them around the countryside of England? These pieces of his soul are called horcruxes. Well, I feel like I have my own version of horcruxes. Sure, they aren't in England (except for David Tennant), and yeah, they aren't exactly evil. But they are a part of me. And I am just starting to find them. I don't call them horcruxes though. Because they are people! People whom I have found through the internet. They seem like little pieces of me! I call them my 'Ho'cruxes.' In the last few months I have found many awesome ladies who somehow share such similar tastes in humor, life outlook, and interests, that I can truly call them my special ho's.  
  One of them is Evelyn.
I made this for her You Big Mary store! When is your store going to open, Evelyn? HINT, HINT.
Another artistic woman that I just met is Sarah. I bought something very cool from her store. I will show you a picture of it when it gets here!
And then there is Johi. She is a very important ho' of mine. I'm not sure where we met on the interwebz. I think it was a dooce forum. She is the funniest blogger ever! You should read her every day right before you brush your teeth in the morning, when your breath is especially fuzzy and rancid. I know she would appreciate that image.
Yesterday, my very beautiful, talented, and hilarious ho', Johi wrote this awesome blog post about gift-giving. She wrote an inspirational story about her gay friend who received a handstitched 'Manicorn' sampler made by moi. 
Johi! You is a very special ho'crux to me! My ETSY STORE store is having a grand re-opening SEPTEMBER 30TH FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY! In honor of Confessions of a Cornfed Girl and all of my other ridiculously amazing ho'cruxes out there (are you one?) the coupon code "CORNFEDGIRL" will grab you an extra 15% off!
As Johi would say,
Peace, Love, and Manicorns!

Friday, September 23, 2011

It rubs the movie quote on its skin...

or else it gets the hose again. I made another Silence O' Lambs quote, but this time it is longer and slightly more threatening. I'm still taking quotes from friends, and here's a hint: they are much more likely to be stitched if they are short because everything with me is very last minute. I am the Ultimate Procrastinating Champion. Fear me. Or not. It's up to you. I don't want to seem too pushy.

Having a good skin regimen is a must!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Talent! it's a cancer mutation gene! Maybe!


Remember these cute pink ribbons? (I actually was unable to make enough to hand out at the art fair, so I handed out the FLOOZY SAYS RELAX buttons instead.) With the grand reopening of my Etsy store (should be in the next week or so) I will give one for free with every purchase or to anyone who is willing to pay a buck for shipping. 
 
This is my adorable mom:
She has breast cancer. It is yucky yuck yuck!
When she goes into the hospital for chemo or boosters or whatever they are intravenously injecting her with (awesomeness?) -- this is how she kills time:
She stitches!
These will later be cut into squares and made into pillows for Christmas gift-giving. Lots and lots of little snowmen that say 'hope.' Raise your hand if your heart is a little melty right now.
Me and my cute mom, rawking the headscarves. 
My mom has a full collection: all from this wonderful store. If you or someone you know needs a good chemo scarf, I recommend these. Also, email me if you or someone you know has cancer or is a survivor and I will mail you a crochet pink ribbon pro bono (fancy word for FREE.) 
Have a fabooblous Thursday! No, that insertion of the word 'boob' into the word 'fabulous' did not work! Oh well!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Who Says Relax?



Diet Floozy says RELAX.
Does this ribcage make me look fat?

Who says Reeelax?

Granger says relax!

Who says RELAX?!

Dobby the Handknit Housemonster says relax.

Good job, Dobby! That lotus position makes you look very relaxed.

Okay now, maybe that is too relaxed.

Thanks to Dame Toadstool for knitting Dobby and Sydney Hunt for my rad FLOOZY SAYS RELAX buttons!