Thursday, May 12, 2011

Oh Bacon Tree!

Whilst traveling through an enchanted forest, you might stumble upon this: a bacon tree.
Behold! The fruit of the Bacon Tree!
Plucking the bacon
If the bacon is ripe and crisp, be gentle when plucking it from the branch. It will break into a million glorious bits if you grab it too firmly. If the bacon is unripe and flaccid, go ahead and pick it anyway. You can take it home with you and finish the ripening process there. Simply place it in your frying pan and cook it until preferred crispness. The fruit of the bacon tree is delicious and is known worldwide for its flavor, which many describe as "bacony." The grease left over from cooking the bacon is also very useful. For example, it makes an excellent hand cream.
Even if you have the hand of a fat fourteen-year-old girl, the bacon grease is an excellent moisturizer.
The bacon grease is also tasty! In olden times they used to add it to pie crusts and possum stews, but nowadays, many of our sophisticated cuisine also pairs well with the "bacony" nuances of bacon grease. 
For the cultivated palate

Ah, the Bacon Tree! you give us sweet sweet bacon.



  1. While I like bacon, a lot of the stuff in this post is gross! Thanks for sharing. Does the sampler smell like bacon?

  2. Gross is good, right? But that is also why I didn't include your awesome bacon cross-stitch in this post. I might redeem myself if I use it in a followup on bacon.