Friday, April 29, 2011

Lesbian Nazi Hookers: Mr. Floozy's Favorite Childhood Movie Quote

Growing up I had three best guy friends who were unfashionably weird, but pretty dang cool. They always used to quote this from this particular cult classic movie. It was never funny to me. I vowed that one day I would be free of this blankety blank movie! But alas, then I married Mr. Floozy. This movie was on his most-quoted top five. In fact, all of Mr. Floozy's siblings can quote this movie both forwards and backwards. I think my sister-in-law even used this quote in an elementary school skit or something -- being completely unaware of the meaning of the words.

And now I have children who quote this movie all the time, being mostly unaware of the meaning of the words. I have decided to embrace the madness.
lesbian nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight loss programs 
NAME THAT MOVIE!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Mother's Day Coupon Code!

UPDATE: Some of you have had problems with the coupon code. I think it's because I clicked something stupid. Go ahead and try MOMSDAY instead. You can cancel your order or I can throw in something for free. Like  an extra magnet or hair barrette.

Have you bought anything for your mom yet!? Mother's Day is May 8th! I have created a coupon code on my Etsy just for you. MOTHERSDAY will get you free shipping!

Go ahead and order anything from the site from your mom, but I would strongly recommend these Spring Flower Magnets:
The free shipping coupon will be up for a week, but I strongly suggest ordering by Sunday night if you want to be guaranteed that your package will get there in time for Mother's Day. Everything I make can be wrapped and ready for gift-giving. Just let me know what to write on a little card, and everything will be taken care of.

thanks! Here is the Etsy link for the Spring Flower Magnets.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

You had better think my kids are cute or I will cut you.

About a year ago, I had my daughters draw on muslin with one of those fabric pens that magically disappears when it gets wet. And then I stitched over their artwork. Before I got it wet. I'm a thinker!

I could lie and say that they stitched it. Upside down. With their toes. Because they are wunderkinds. But I don't have the energy to lie this afternoon. Check back with me tomorrow after my two hour nap.

Here is Annie's:
Annie loves rainbows, flowers, and enchanted mythical lands.
And here is Tess':
Tess loves the color blue, and car that can drive her far far away. 
Sorrry, Tess, but your future car is the minivan. And it can't top 50 mph. But go ahead and give it a bubble lettering paint job. Because that would be rad.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Gorgeously Sublime Gorgeous Collage of Book Covers

This is a birthday gift to my sister I finished last night. It is only three months and sixteen days late! Not bad. She was prompt with my birthday gift in February, sending me a lady serial killer novel straight to my iPad kindle. Sisterly love.
This hodpodge collage is mod-podged. Say that three times fast. Or at least once. Come on, say it. SAY IT.
Mod Podge is glue. That dries. Clear.
Most of these book covers were from bodice-rippers. They were being thrown away at a thrift store where my friend works and she rescued them by ripping off their bodices. (Do you see what I did there?)

Do not call this 'up-cycling.' I hate that word. It's hipster douche.

My favorite cover is right of center: the Revolutionary Dude being nursed back to health by the buxom brunette. I like how his bandages don't hide his amazing Man Nipples.

Monday, April 25, 2011

To spew or not to spew . . . is less of a question and more of an involuntary gastric response.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's technically not Friday. It's more Mondayish, I 'spose. But hey. Here's a movie quote. With a prop. And a squirtful of hand sanitizer.
If you're gonna spew...

Friday, April 22, 2011

Uhhh, What? What day/month/year is this?

Greetings, Earthlings,

I have had a surreal week with vomiting, general malaise, and a wicked trippy medicine combination that was prescribed by my super competent doctor. What happened exactly? Let's just say it was very 'Slaughterhouse-house Five'-ish but without the hot interstellar sex. Hopefully I will be back to normal (ish) by next week and you can enjoy the roller-coaster ride that is my insane stitchery. Sorry that there is no Mr. Floozy Friday. He was too busy holding a cup to my lips for me to drool into.

This is why you shouldn't go to my OBGYN.

Friday, April 15, 2011

MR. FLOOZY'S MOVIE QUOTE FRIDAY

Today's movie quote is a classic and one that Mr. Floozy goes around saying all the time. It's not at all creepy.

Go on and guess the quote. Without googling! I'm looking at you, Johi!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Neil Gaiman's Face Now Has WORDS

Thanks everyone for throwing Neil's brilliant words my way. And super thanks to the Neilster himself for retweeting me!

I have chosen a quote recommended by violinen on twitter. It's from Coraline. And I like it. 'Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky.'

Since there are a kazillion Neilisms, I have created a 'custom' option on my Etsy store for a Neil Sampler. I can stitch a quote, or a personal message, like, 'Dear Cotton Floozy, I worship you with my soulful gaze -- Neil.'

You get the idea.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Neil Gaiman's Face Needs a Caption

UPDATE: Make sure to check out the final product! 

Many of you know that I am a mongo Neil Gaiman fan. If you don't know who he is, go to your nearest library and check out a book. I recommend, oh, all of them. Anyhoodle, I am stuck in the middle of this needlepoint sampler. I need a caption. Like a good Neil Gaiman quote or something. What's your favorite Neil Gaiman quote? Just make one up if you don't have one.
Neil Gaiman

Friday, April 8, 2011

'I WANT THAT.' Mr. Floozy's Movie Quote Friday!

Okay. This one is easy. And I didn't need to tap Mr. Floozy's brain sap for this super obvious movie quote. If you don't get it. That's fine. But I will worry about your 'Pop Culture' level on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Here's the quote! Go on guess!
I WANT THAT.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Achtung! 30% THURSDAY!

That's right, dear kind generous people. Today is 30% Thursday! Use this coupon code for thirty (30) percent off today until tomorrow morning at 7:00 am at my shop:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/thecottonfloozy

THURSDAY30

STFU
This applies to custom orders as well! Just let me know within the time frame and I will guarantee 30% off for you. Have a favorite quote or saying you want stitched and framed? Just let me know. I can matchy-matchy-poo the fabric to your kitchen, bathroom, or panic room. I can also do simple (SIMPLE) black and white embroidery pieces created from a simple (SIMPLE) image.

Thank you! have any questions, comments, juicy confessions? email me at thecottonfloozy@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Squint & tell me this doesn't look like Slim Goodbody.

Oh? Who is Slim Goodbody?!
Okay. I can't see the connection anymore. But there is something seriously eye-disturbing about that first 'stabby' sampler. I had to take it down off my Etsy store. I thought that maybe it was just the background that was wonking out my eyes, so I tried this:
Nope. I think I made things worse. This one actually does look like Slim Goodbody. If you squint your eyes. And hold your breath. And put one leg up and over your head. Okay. I made that last part up just to see if you are bendy. Are you? Slim Goodbody wants to know.

I don't want to traumatize your retinas, so why don't you study this cutesy 'stabby' sampler. Think of it as an eyeball palate cleanser.
Cute, right? Okay, I think it's time we all rested our eyes and took a long nap.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My dog in various adorable outfits including, yes, an EWOK one.

Don't worry. You don't have to gently tell me how crazy I am. I know how crazy I am.

"Shodu lurd." Ewokese translation: "My mom is crazy."




I am one badass mofo Ewok, yo.

I made this last Halloween and while it is cute for pictures, it doesn't fit perfectly, and shimmies off after a few minutes.
The front of my bewildering sewing project.
The back. I didn't make this part, but rather outsourced it to an Endor sweatshop. Shipping was a bitch!
I also crochet clothes for my dog. Because I have a life filled with glamor and adventure.
There is this one. A capelet of sorts.
And this one. "A muddy beard signifies a life well lived." -- Headmistress Granger
    
And this one!
Also, Headmistress Granger owns a Snuggie®. Say what you will, but this Dog Robe You Wear Backwards is rad. Check it:
I am so adorable you want to eat me slathered in maple syrup and sprinkles. 
And the best part about the Snuggie®? The box. Is hilarious! I lieth not.
Are those poodles playing backgammon? Yes. Yes they are.

Friday, April 1, 2011

MR. FLOOZY'S MOVIE QUOTE FRIDAY

I am going to be starting a new thing here at Floozy Headquarters. Every Friday I am going to be posting a photo of an embroidery piece with a movie quote. The more obscure the better! Mr. Floozy has a savant like memory for movie quotes. I am going to tap into his genius. Be sure to check out the site each Friday and see if you can GUESS THE QUOTE.

drumroll . . . .

Too bad the Hovitos don't know you the way I do.