Floozy T-Shirts! now available in size MYOB

I like to wear certain shirts just for the fun factor of seeing people try to stare at my chest as slyly as possible. Hey guys! My eyes are up here! But srsly, my interesting image and/or slogan and/or motivational saying is yes, down there. (Not down down there.)  So go ahead and stare. I'm a mom of three kids. Really, I know that you are only interested in the shirt.  


Speaking of shirts and awkward segues! Somewhere on this page is a Zazzle page link. It should look t-shirty and zazzIy. Click on it and you will be magically transported to my Tee Store. There will be more eventually, but right now I have put up a few shirts with images from various embroideries I have made, including :

An Important Message From a Serious Clown by ubermarie
See other Cotton T-Shirts

Mr. Darcy by ubermarie
See other Mr T-Shirts

Manicorn by ubermarie
Browse more Manicorn T-Shirts
The 'Manicorn' is for you, Cornfed Girl!

Ctholly -- child of Cthulhu & Holly Hobbie by ubermarie
Browse more Cthulhu T-Shirts

A chickation is like is a box of chocolates ...

...  because you cry like a drunk hobo when all you have left is an empty box and a chocolate mustache and a cardboard shanty saturated with cat pee.


I am a word wizard.


This chickatation with my friend Holly was unusually productive. We saw two (2) movies, the 'Louie' tv show premiere at Brewvies, saw Ira Glass at the Kingsbury, went to the Utah Arts Festival, and ate many many waffles.
I also dropped off some of my handmade items at 'Signed & Numbered', a rad boutique in Sugarhouse. If you go there, say the Floozy sent you, and then don't shoot spit wads at them when they politely respond that they have no idea who that is.


Here are a few of my items that you can purchase there:

For those rare times when a doctor prescribes me xanax. This face says, 'please doctor, I am scared of people.'

Stabby. A reason for the xanax.

And this face is . . . . Yeah, I don't know what this face is.

Mr. Floozy's Movieeee Quote Fuh-RI-deee!

Hopefully you hated those Star Wars prequels as much as me and the Flooze Dude did. Total crap. But comedy gold when it comes to harvesting movie quotes. Those scenes between Natalie Portman and Emo Mullet? So cringey. And yet so awesome. 

Here is one of my husband's favorites to say whenever the lighting is soft and romantic and I am looking exactly like Natalie Portman. Exactly.

.... when there was nothing but our love! 

I will hold the Floozy Family Tupperware Puke Bowl up to your lips for you now.

My friends get me.

Greetings! I am on my chickation with my 'special' friend Holly. We are having fun even though we have yet to consume a single waffle. That must be remedied! 


I have other friends (on my payroll) who also understand the delicate instability of my nature. Maybe they appreciate it? Yeah. Let's go with that.


This is a card my friend Jodie sent me awhile ago. To cheer me up. It worked.

It's not like this is some random card she picked up from a boutique. She designed it herself! That is like really real talent. Unlike my fake-it-till-they-escort-you-from-the-premises talent. Here is her store. You are welcome! I'm thinking angry blossoms for you!

Perhaps I should explain this.

'you have the heart of hitler'

I made this for my brother last year after he was down in the dumps after a messy divorce. It really cheered him up! Isn't it adORable? 

Yes. There is a back story. Take my hand while we gently travel down memory lane. (Why is your hand so sweaty?) When I was an early teenager I went through a hardcore holocaust reading stage. You know, where I would read every single book I could find on the subject. Anne Frank was followed by Alicia was followed by The Hiding Place.  And a kazillion more that I can't remember the titles to. It was an obsession. I still do the same thing now with my reading. Exhaust a genre. Young Adult Urban Fantasy, Serial Killer Lit, whatever. I don't stop until I feel sated.

Soooo, one day my lil' brother Eric was teasing my other littler brother John. In a really mean way. Not just a stinky way, but a way that I found morally appalling. I'm sure that I was in the middle of some gut-wrenching novel, when I stopped, looked at Eric with the eyes of an avenging angel and told him, "You have the heart of Hitler."

This is now a family favorite story. Told and retold at every get-together. (Along with the one of me hiding behind the couch when I had a bad perm. Yes, I was 17 years old. I would still hide behind the couch if that happened to me now.) 

I can just imagine my brother as an old man, his little grandchildren gathered around his knees, bringing out this keepsake pillow, and telling them the touching tale of how long, long ago, his over-dramatic sister told him he had the heart of Hitler.

Cherish precious memories. Cherish.

Flooze Dude's Movie Quote Friday! Good advice from a Sicilian

Doesn't it seem like every other post has been a movie quote? Durnnit. Probably because I have been busy working with a very cool website: YouBigMary. Next I am going to be working on getting some more stuff made for a boutique in Salt Lake, but I promise that I will try and get more posts up of a non-quote persuasion. 

Meanwhile, here is some good advice from a very verbose and red-faced Sicilian:

If you hold still too long, I will stitch something on you.

My daughter is into peace signs. I mean really into peace signs. Remember this?

The graffiti of her dollhouse says I believe in peace and granny aesthetics.

Any time I see something with a peace sign, I buy it. So does her grandma. Now my daughter is basically a walking billboard for pacifism. Fine with me! Her peace sign collection includes a backpack, flip-flops, a lot of jewelry, a nightgown, a peace-sign painted manicure and a pedicure, and lately? denim shorts with a peace logo handstitched by moi.

The right pocket believes in peace. The left pocket? not so much.

I like buying the cheapo store-brand denim shorts and then shadazzling them with my stitchery. I still do this for my Jr. High school boy. Think rainbows and swirly flowers. Man, that kid is popular with the ladiez.

Much better to bling the clothes yourself than to buy them pre-blinged.

Not that we wear real clothes. This summer has been crazy slothful. We spend a good chunk of our day wearing pajamas lounge wear. That is until I get responsible and demand that the kids go outside and "get the freshness." (Isn't that the best line ever? I totally stole it from my friend, Johi.) At least when we are "getting the freshness" we are doing it with style!

Followup. My bathroom is on the cover of a magazine!

A really real magazine!

 thanks, Rick!

Mr. Floozy's Quote Time Friday Yes!

I knew our love would last forever the first time I heard my husband burp this:

My Bathroom is a Work of (f)Art

Maybe some of you have wondered where all of my creations end up -- the ones that don't make it to the Etsy store or the White Elephant party. Well. For awhile there, they were mostly in an old Amazon cardboard box. In my kitchen. In the corner. Under a little black rain cloud. A few days ago I had a rare burst of energy and disentombed all those unappreciated samplers, and placed them in a room truly worthy of their awesomeness: the bathroom. Not just any bathroom. The guest bathroom. That we still use all the time. Behold:

Never be bored while using the bathroom again!

Please ignore my grody mirrors and the handy spray bottle of cleaner for those of my guests who have difficulty aiming. You know who you are.

The first 'Bathroom Birdie.' Can you find the bird? It's tricky. (Because it is invisible)

Before the makeover, my guests were forced to choose from the available reading material.

I dare you to find a bathroom in America with nerdier reading material!

And the best part of the bathroom...

The perfect location for 'it rubs the lotion on its skin' sampler.

 

Mr. F's MQF: Funny AND educational!

The San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant is a nuclear power plant located on the Pacific coast of California (according to Wikipedia.) Interesting! Another fun fact: the San Onofre plant uses seawater for cooling. I bet you did not know that!

San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant

Something else maybe you didn't know. Whenever Frank Drebin drives by the nuclear plant he thinks about his ex-girlfriend and says: