Thursday, June 21, 2012

I only join Costco for the churros

There are a few things that I don't trust myself with, and one of those things is Costco. Mr. Floozy agrees and tries to keep me from driving the 45 minutes to get to our closest store. It's like I leave the house and then BLAMMO, two hours later we have mysteriously lost one hundred dollars. Mr. Floozy likes to claim immunity to Costco's Impulse Buys, but I like to remind him that he is the one who once came home with a boxed set of Sergio Leone dvds. 

Movies and random appliances are not my problem. Rather, I fall prey to the snack samples. Which taste so extra delicious while shopping. I swear they lace them with an opiate or Oprah's essence or something. I'll be standing there, idling my cart, munching on a pebbly cracker, spread with some sort of pulverized roasted vegetable and goat cheese concoction, when suddenly it is completely and totally necessary that I buy the snack to keep my family morally upright and healthy and disease-resistant. And even if I try to resist and walk away to start shopping elsewhere, that snack starts sending aftershocks of delicious flavor from the back of my teeth until I return and buy the product. Hence, a vat of hummus always seems to end up in my cart.

We go off and on our membership. Costco is like my family's complicated ex-boyfriend. Currently, we don't have a membership, but this autumn we will have a new Costco that is close to where we live! And I just know that one day I will be craving a churro and end up with a membership, a mongo brick of stinky cheese, a triple-sleeved box of imported scandinavian cookies, and enough allergy pills to make Charlie Sheen suddenly speak fluent Korean.

nosferatu likes churros, too!


  1. Only a hundred dollars? I admire your restraint!

  2. SPANISH FORK!!!!!! Now tell them that LOGAN needs one. GARF! Mary Ellen

  3. Ha! I love it. And I agree with the Spy up there that $100 is a fine example of restraint.
    I made a Charlie Sheen joke today too. It just felt right.

  4. Hey there, I found you on Johi's blog. I love this post. I actually do not belong to Costco anymore, because I don't blow $100, more like $300. No self control. I do miss the free samples. My parents actually time their visits to Costco around the best sampling time. How old folks is that?

    1. Yay! I'm glad you found me so that I could find YOU, Get Real! And I think your parents are brilliant to time their trips around prime sampling time. Brilliant!

  5. Girl, I feel your pain! SAMs club here! My grand buys my membership for me and I have only once walked out under $100. Just Monday it was 120. For 9... Count them NINE items! So convienient... And so hazardous to our pocketbook... But where else can you buy a case of energy drinks, a 44 lb bag of dog food, 3 pack of soy milk, and 5lbs pack of ground turkey? Why none other than a discount bulk club,OF COURSE!

  6. Trust me when I say that I have often spent over $100 at Costco. It's just that the $100 trips are the most mysterious. It's like I haven't even bought anything. Suddenly, the money is gone and my pantry looks the same. IT'S CREEEPY.