Wednesday, June 20, 2012

If you had a sexy robot butler . . .

If you had a sexy robot butler . . . 






. . .  what would his capabilities be?


Right now this butler is set to 'foot rub' which can mean whatever you want it to mean. 






Perverts!


I have made this particular embroidery before, but this time I added a mustache and freehanded his face so now he has CRAZY EYES. 


But seriously! If you had a butler what would you have him do? (The subject of 'Everybody Ought to Have a Maid' has already been covered.) Would you have your butler open and close and open and close the door for your annoying pets? Would your butler wash your laundry AND put it away? Would your butler serve you diet coke in a fancy glass on a fancy pillow like Karl Lagerfeld's butler does? 


Diet Coke Butler


Right now Mr. Floozy is on a business trip in London hopefully picking up a glorious British accent. And even though this is the perfect time for me to pull The Sexy Robot Butler 2000 out of storage, I'm not going to. Because I am feeling so romantically inclined towards my husband. You know why? Because he has done so many incredibly sexy things this past two weeks. 


ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?


A few weeks ago Mr. Floozy stayed up with a puking dog. Who puked and puked, glob after glob. He cleaned it all up, and even made sure Weasley (the dog) was comfortably situated on an old towel before going to bed. The next week Mr. Floozy helped me when I puked and puked, glob after glob in the car. Perhaps I have told you this before, but I throw up a lot. And I pass out while doing it. This particularly lovely evening, I kept passing out and gurgle-spraying vomit everywhere. He got me home and into the shower and tucked me into bed. And then he spent a good chunk (chunk, haha!) of time cleaning out the car. I woke up with my clothes even washed and folded!


And lastly, Mr. Floozy really showed off his sexy skills when a few days ago we came home from a week long family reunion to a house ravaged by the bowels and bladder of an angry cat. (Who had been accidentally cut off from his litter box by our adorable cat sitter -- my dad. LOVE YOU DAD!) And what did Mr. Floozy do? Instead of handing it all over to me while he prepared for his very important business presentations for his upcoming London trip, he cleaned up every piss spray and turd. While I sat out on the porch and drank a big glass of cheap wine. 


So yeah, I know that I talk about gross things a lot on this blog, but LOOKIE! I talked about sexy things, too!


And now my son is telling me that one of the dogs has diarrhea. COME HOME TO ME MR. FLOOZY. 


Ahem.


SO HEY GUYS, here is a bathroom sampler I made for my sis-in-law while at the family reunion.


HOME is not where the Heart is. home is where you poop most comfortable.

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