I'm a Creep. I'm a Weirdo.

I'M A CREEP. I'M A WEIRDO.

UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!
THE WINNER IS . . . . SHANNON!

WAY TO GO, SHANNON! RANDOM.ORG CHOSE YOU. HERE IS WHAT WILL BE STITCHED. 

"Kiss me out of desire, not consolation"
- "The Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley

Pretty please send me your email and shipping address. Any color preferences? Lace around the edges? No lace?

I should be able to finish this weekend and mail it out Tuesday (Monday the Post Office will be closed.)

And SUPER thanks to all who entered. My whole family is abandoning me so I will be home alone listening to all of these good recommendations. I can't wait to get started on the Jonathon Coulter. You guys? are the wind beneath my wings.

Have fun doing arduous labor during Labor Day!

Loves, 
the Flooze


I am in a major music rut. I can't stop listening to Radiohead. There's some other good stuff out there, right? RIGHT?

Please tell me your favorite song and lyrics and if enough people post in the comments section, I might go crazy and turn it into a giveaway!

And if no one cares, I'll just sit in my darkened bedroom and listen to Radiohead like the pajama-pant-wearing hikikomori I really am.

UPDATE: I am loving these suggestions! This now has officially become a GIVEAWAY! It will end THURSDAY NIGHT AUGUST 30th so be sure to enter often to increase your chances of winning. I will announce the winner FRIDAY the 31st in the morning having drawn the winning number using random.org after Midnight on Thursday the 30th. Again, enter as many times as you'd like. I sure you all have more than one favorite lyric bit from a song. The randomly chosen winner will received their quote stitched with a fabric/style/color/font of their choice.

Don't forget that I also love to do giveaways that end up being presents to your loved ones, friends, or high-maintenance bosses. The winning sampler can be gift-wrapped and shipped directly to the lucky participant with a courtesy card giving you all the credit.

Okay, now I am going to check out some of these new tunes! Thanks so much! I have a road trip soon over labor day and new music will really help.

You guys are the greatest!

Love your creepy weirdo Flooze

School Started Cha-Cha-Cha

My kids are back in school! Dance with me! Sing with me! Please don't pull out your video camera!

I survived the summer! I need at least three more exclamation points!!! There. Let's sit down and take a breather.

To celebrate, why don't you head on over to my reopened Etsy store and check things out? There are FLOOZY SAY RELAX shirts for only 9 dollars! and many funny samplers yes.

I made another Depressing Birthday Bunting. It is also for sell (sale?) in my Etsy shop.

happy birthday/ there is misery/ in the air/
people dying/ everywhere/ so . . ./
happy birthday!

I met a ton of really cool people at Craft Lake City and now I am in the process of arranging multiple dinner and lunch dates. I always knew that Utah was harboring the ultra cool people of the world. I met with my new friend Gena the other night and she gave me this:

to be sung to Prince -- 'Could you be?
The most beautiful bag in the world?'

HOW AMAZING IS THIS BAG? Thank you thank you thank you, Gena. 

I hope that I keep meeting the super deluxe uber ultra cool people of Utah in the coming months. Are you one of the cool people? If so, make sure to attend my Craft Lake City Workshop on September 18th. I will blog more about it as we get closer, but for right now know this: It starts at 7pm and goes till 9pm. It is at the infinitely cool Garage on Beck. And I will be the teacher along with my friends The Happy Valley Crafters. It will be so much fun. I will teach you a few basic embroidery skills, enough so that you can make and take a little sampler home with you.

Have a great day cha-cha-cha!

Forcing More People to be my Friend

I have this bad habit of forcing people to be my friend. Like, I see a cool person and then I tackle them and then I sit on their spine until they give me their Facebook information. Okay. This doesn't happen. And maybe I partly stole that plotline from an iCarly episode, but whatevs. Point is, I like people. And I seem to keep on collecting these cool people like a badass Pez collection. 

I met some more cool people at Craft Lake City that I want to be my friend.

First there is Jennifer. She might be too cool for me. I am going to have to dye my hair super punk rainbows so that she will hang out with me in Utah County. We did a trade and I have this lovely chalkboard now in my house. (I just keep forgetting to buy chalk!)

And then there is Amanda. Again, too cool. I am going to need one of those face piercings, I 'suppose. We did a trade and now I have this adorable owl. Which is the best! You can use it as a decoration or a book-propper or you can nuke it in the microwave for your sore muscles OR you can freeze it and cool down your hot flashes. Neat. O.

And lastly, there is my new lovely friend Gena. (She's the gal in the top photo.) We are kindred spirits and are already planning on getting together this weekend. Plus, she made this bag that someday will be MINE OH YES IT WILL BE MINE.

And if you ever want me to force you to be my friend, just ask!

Behold! The End o' Summer is Nigh!

My kids start school in less than a week! woooooooohoooooooooooo! I have gotten most of their back-to-school stuff finished except for a few things. I still need to buy my son an electric razor. SO HE CAN SHAVE. Please follow me around with a soft body pillow and smelling salts. 

Before school starts, Mr. Floozy and I start drilling them about being nice to other kids and to avoid slurs that will scar and stigmatize some kids for life. We tell our children that sure, they are special, but that they are also not special. If that makes sense. I hate little rich superior kids more than anything. Did I just say that hate some kids? Yes. Yes, I did. Some kids are total snots. There. I said it. To make sure that my kids don't become little snots, I remind them of this wonderful quote by Tyler Durden:

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.

What are some of the things you tell your kids before they go back to school? 

A Swell Weekend!

The Cotton Floozy, Brynn, and Holly

You know what word isn't used enough as a pleasant adjective? "Swell." I am going to say it at least seven times today and none of those times will refer to my cankles.

Last Saturday was CRAFT LAKE CITY and it was so much fun and SWELL. I sold a lot of things and met some super fabulous people who I am conscripting into being my friends forever (Gena, I am looking at you.). 

My mind is completely blown by how much work such an event requires! So, a big shout out of thanks to the Fine Folks at Craft Lake City who are really the Fine Folks at Slug Magazine. They do so much work and I'm sure that they haven't slept for a good three months. Go take a nap, Fine Folks! You deserve to sleep till Autumn Solstice.

Right now I am featured in two Utah publications. Slug Magazine and The Salt Lake Tribune. Both of which have paper and internet copies. Check them out. Here is a closer photo of the Seagull Sampler I made for Slug:

I made this sampler to celebrate how wonderfully more open Utah has become at loving and accepting the LGBTQ community. This June a large group of active Mormons marched in the Pride Parade! It was heartwarming. Even those dear friends I know who do not accept everything about the gay community, I see their hearts opening up towards all of their gay loved ones and friends. We can all get along! We can all vomit rainbows! I love this new, more open-minded, loving Utah. 

Back to Craft Lake City. I had so many super volunteers, including Holly and my son, Floozy Man-Child and the cutie Brynn Carter. (Here is her Etsy store. Check out the awesome.) Many of my other friends took turns manning my booth. (Shout out to Steph and Mary Ellen!) Thanks to the plethora of friends and family who visited. Thanks to anyone and everyone who showed up to say 'hi!' Thanks to all of you purchased my items! I hope you all keep in touch! Let's link arms and be friends forever!

I will be reopening my Etsy store in a few days. I will even be selling FLOOZY SAY RELAX t-shirts for cheap. Stay tuned! And don't forget that I do custom embroideries. Simply email me -- thecottonfloozy@gmail.com !

I loves you all! You are swell! 

CRAFT LAKE CITY!

A Sample of Fine Products
to be purchased at The Cotton Floozy Booth
THIS SATURDAY
at Craft Lake City
in Salt Lake City!

You should really come and visit me! I will be the puffy, sweaty lady behind all of the weird embroidery samplers. It is going to be hot tomorrow, but Craft Lake City has a lot of beverage options and free water to cool you off. I am bringing a lot of ice. So much ice. 

Craft Lake City will feature
their special guests -- The Bathroom Birdies!

Here are the crucial details:

Salt Lake City’s 4th Annual Craft Lake City festival

 will take place August 11, 2012, from Noon – 10pm 

at the Gallivan Center.

239 South Main Street  

Salt Lake City, UT 84111

Besides tons of awesome crafts and art to be purchased, there will be a lineup of live bands. Also, there is a children's area where they can make and take arts and crafts projects. 

And lastly, IT IS FREE. 

If you stop by my booth and say the Super Secret Password, I will give you a FLOOZY SAY RELAX tee shirt or onesie for only 8 bucks (while supplies last -- regularly priced $12). 

Okay, are you ready for the SUPER SECRET PASSWORD?

Here it is, embedded in this embroidery:

THE DUDE ABIDES

Hope to see you SATURDAY! 

Loves,
The Flooze

The Shakespeare DANCE Team!

I am super crazy pants busy getting ready for Craft Lake City right now, so all I have to show you is this piece of random awesomeness from my son's Jr. High yearbook. May I present, the SHAKESPEARE DANCE TEAM!

When doing Shakespearean-inspired dance,
one must be barefoot
and wear loose, drapey clothing.*

Because you know what Shakespeare makes me want to do? MODERN INTERPRETIVE DANCE. The insert to the left reads: 

"Trust is a powerful thing . . . Our Shakespeare Dance Team performed in an ensemble 'Cause and Effect' inspired by 'Othello.'"

I am too lazy to write out the fuchsia insert. Maybe later. It includes the word 'freakin' and multiple exclamation points. What more do you need to know.

Check out my blog tomorrow for more info about Craft Lake City. Maybe there will be a super secret coupon code given out. Maybe.

*Luckily, all of the kids' faces are obscure so that I don't have to worry about their identities.  

Mo Vadge Deux

If you didn't hide me or unfriend me or self-combust after reading my last post, then you may continue. But if you are sensitive and do not recognize the fact that VAGINA IS A MEDICAL TERM then perhaps you should skedaddle. Which is totally fine with me! I am The Flooze. I like everyone. Some people call me a 'pleaser.' I like to refer to myself as 'defiantly likable.'

Crickets.

Still there? Oh good! I knew you would be! 

First off, the Sunstone Symposium was terrific! Even though I, uh, yeah, only went to my one session. I would have gone to more, but I have a head injury. (Get used to that last phrase.) I didn't get to hear my favorite Mormon Girl speak or my friend Don telling everybody about his faith journey that ended up with his rebaptism into the Mormon church. Instead, I went into my friend's basement and slept and possibly drooled on the pillow loaner. 

But I did attend my own session! Which I deserve serious credit for! (Have I told you about my low potassium levels yet?) My story was what they refer to as 'comic relief' to break up all of the more serious stuff. Some of the other ladies' stories were very heavy duty. I love those ladies.

Let me decline for you a word I frequently declined while studying Latin at BYU. Make sure that you use a hard 'g' and instead of using a hard 'v' noise, to use a 'w' noise like those folks did back then.

Vagina

Vaginae

Vaginae

Vaginam

Vagina

Wah-geeeee-naaaah! It means 'sheath' in Latin. And when our class translated anything by Caesar, boy, there was a lot of snickering.

Back to Sunstone and Mo Vadge. Yeah, I did a Mormon Vagina Testimony. No, it was not that groundbreaking or offensive. Unless you don't like MEDICAL TERMS or object lessons involving weirdly-crafted props. Hint: if you don't like weirdly-crafted props, we can never be friends. But 'sokay. I'll still like you. 

If you want to read my Mo Vadge talk BERTHA GOES TO HEAVEN, click here or here or HERE. HERE CLICK ME NOW WAH-GEEE-NAAAAAAAAAAH.

If you don't, how will you ever know what the hell that picture up thar is?