Saturday, September 29, 2012

Derby in Spanish Pork!

Apparently, Utah County is now cool enough to have Roller Derby. Rainbow socks and tats and all. And damn! I wish I could roller skate worth a . . . damn. Here is the 'after' picture of the last time I tried to roller skate:

And she never roller skated again DUN DUN DUNNNNN.

And if you are thinking, 'It is never too late!' I would remind you of the two (2!) head injuries I have suffered this summer. I am an incurable klutz. Science should study me. I am going to go right now and fill out the paperwork so that when I die they can throw me onto the Body Farm (I have been reading too many serial killer books lately.). And I am sure that while the rest of my body decomposes as expected, there will be two wet spaghetti noodles right where my legs should have been. Also, my head will be full of straw animal bedding with a busted gyroscope inside. 

Tonight I am going to watch that thar local Roller Derby league that I mentioned in my opening sentence. It is close to where I live! In Spanish Pork!

You should come, too! And hang out with me and The Happy Valley Crafters! Oh oh, and here, read this article from our very own Lizzie Boredom about the coolness of these Derby girls.

At the game I will be easy to find because I will be wearing my FLOOZY SAY RELAX shirt and will look exactly like this:

If you can't come that is sad and full of sadness, but can you at least try to astral project? I don't feel like that is asking too much of you.

And if you can't even astral project because today you have a migraine and are in the Depths of Despair (I've been reading too much Anne Shirley lately), then perhaps you can attend this on Oct 20th:

I plan on being there! (Not that I have any sort of confirmation from the Darlins yet, but you know, I have high apple pie in the sky hopes. Omigod apple pie sounds so good right now.

Later Roller Skaters,



  1. So glad we made it out, even if we spent a huge chunk of time chasing the kid. Such is the life of a parent (to a toddler), eh?

    I'm also excited at possibly doing the event on the 20th -- have you heard back from them yet?

  2. My favorite line from this post is "my head will be full of straw animal bedding with a busted gyroscope inside" and I enjoy you including a mention of the Body Farm.