Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Me. Linguistic Genius

It really means 'go frak yourself.' I am a Battlestar fan.


As you learned in my last post, I am a Grammar Hippie. But did you also know that I am the creator of another set of Grammar Rules? It's true. Some day I will speak to you in my special idioglossia. Unfortunately, I can only speak it at the hospital when I am on hooked up to an I.V. with the good drugs.

Here is my new proposal for our fine English language. Instead of using and abusing 'there, they're, and their,' I propose that we replace all three with 'thar.'

Examples: 

'There' Replacement: 

In Utah county thar are no frolicking unicorns. 

'They're' Replacement: 

Where have all the frolicking unicorns gone? Thar in Brad Pitt's back yard giving pony rides to Brangelina's children.

'Their' Replacement:

It's hard not to be jealous of thar frolicking unicorns.

TA DUH! 

Pretty genius, right? I think my friend Dame Toadstool's head just exploded. Which would be duper bad because I need her tonight to help me out with the Craft Lake City workshop.

MEA CULPA, dearest Dame Toadstool! (Some day I am going to do a blog post on the sheer awesomeness that is Dame Toadstool. It might win a Pulitzer.) 

I only allow one person to correct my grammar and that is Dame Toadstool. And when she does it is like that scene in Singing in the Rain. You know the one, right? Of course you do.

So what do you guys think of my new word 'thar'!? Pretty neat, right? Go ahead and start using it. It should catch on like a wildfire or a bad fashion trend. Or a bad fashion trend on wildfire. Harem pants are very flammable.


2 comments:

  1. You redeemed yourself with the BSG reference. I did, however, delete all that "genius" rigamarole from my brain as soon as I read it. I find that's the best way to stay friends with people whose faults clash so heavily with the rest of their personalities that I otherwise adore. Just like picking a gnat out of an amazing dessert and moving on with style.

    Yes, of course I know which Singin' in the Rain scene you're referring to. I also know that the title uses the more colloquial "Singin'" rather than "Singing" to emphasize that theme. Clever! Also, note how I set an example for you with my proper use of double and single quotation marks.

    Oh, Floozy. You're a delicious dessert despite the gnats.

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    1. It is because I prefer to use quotation marks like the British do. As say, David TENANT does. Also, your analogy is almost the same one I heard all the time in church growing up. But instead of gnats it was POOP. (Ostensibly because poop resemble chocolate. Or something.)

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