Monday, September 17, 2012

Ritt Momney is a Normom?



Let’s talk politics! And then we’ll finish it off with religion and a heated discussion about grammar. (Some of my friends are over on the ‘right’ side of the spectrum and are self-described ‘Grammar Nazis’, whereas I am a ‘Grammar Hippie’ over on the left side. I’m always on the left side, be it grammar or politics or heck, even religion.) 

And here’s the thing. I am okay with you being on the ‘right’ side. That is grrreat! Although, confessedly, I feel compelled to put the word ‘right’ in quotations marks. (Side note: I hate double quotation marks. They are so bulky and unnecessary. The single quotation mark is elegantly utilitarian. Have at me, Grammar Punctuationistas!) 

Where was I? I got distracted by this weird, burned cereal flake in my bowl. Oh, right! POLITICS. I can hardly stand Facebook lately because everything is a political link trying to persuade the other side that they are better and have more delicious punch and cookies. This seems rather hopeless to me. Has anyone ever flipped political sides because of a Facebook post? Maybe, like thirty people in the whole history of the world? And those thirty people all slipped and cracked their heads on their keyboards at the same time. 

It’s fine to be political. Correction: It's grrrreeat! to be political. I appreciate the intelligent people who give it their best to figuring it all out. I love that we can do that in our country. We are damned lucky to have Freedom of Speech. (Or as I like to call it, 'Freedom to Be Cool' or 'Freedom to Be an Asshole.')

You can tell me that I’m wrong with my politics, religion, and grammar, but don’t be an asshole about it. Even if you are right, being an asshole negates your whole point. 

(I should mention that a lot of my friends are Grammar Fascists, and that they are pretty nice to me when I mess up. The one exception concerns my Utah Acsint [Accent] which is so gawdawful to them and supposedly makes their ears menstruate. Someday I will write a blog post about Utah accents and how I am pro-regionalism and anti-cultural-Borgism. I will try not to be an asshole about it.)

All of this fighting and scrabbling to be right reminds me of a scene from The Big Lebowski. You know the one. Where Walter and the Dude are getting in the car after a bowling match and they keep on arguing about whether or not it was wrong of Walter to bully Smokey into taking a zero for his turn. Walter asks repeatedly, ‘Am I wrong? Am I wrong?!’ Finally, the Dude answers, ‘You’re not wrong. You’re just an asshole.’ 

So sayeth The Dude.


Go ahead and post your awe-inspiring or cringey pictures of Ritt Momney and Obamarama. But don’t be offended if I hide you on Facebook. When it comes to politics, religion, and grammar, I stand by The Dude.



15 comments:

  1. Do I have the freedom to be a Cool Asshole?

    You know the person who is making sense up until the last sentence an then you realize it was totally opposite of what you believe?!? I wanna be THAT guy!... Err or Chick... As the case may be!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't consider myself 'right' side. I know I'm for sure not 'left' either. I'm right handed ;-) I know I'm not an asshole because I work my ass off not to be ha ha! Is this comment even making sense? I just love reading your blog my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's one of the things I love about you, Tristan -- your general non-assholeness.

      Delete
  3. Floozy, I could kiss you on the mouth.

    Y'know how there are all these people whinging about BABY PICTURES being posted on Facebook? I could kill for some baby pictures instead of political posts! Pretty please, everyone, show me your vacation pictures! Cute shots of your grandkids! Link me to a tasty recipe you tried! If I'm not interested, it won't wound my soul; I'll just skip to the next post. But, Gah, stop with the ugly political stuff! (And I'm specifying "ugly" because I don't care if my aunty "likes" a politician. I care if my dear mother posts graphic photos of mortally injured folks in service of a political point.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what you mean by 'ugly.' Those crazy exploitive ones that are definitely Not Cool no matter where you are on the politcal spectrum.

      Delete
  4. Couldn't say it better..So I won't..except to say amen Floozy...AMEN!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Menstruation implies cyclical, hormonally induced shedding of the lining of an inner membrane. When you use your Utah dialect, it's a sneak attack on my auditory system that figuratively ruptures my eardrums and literally causes great pain. There's nothing cyclical about my ears bleeding. It's all about random acts of violence, no matter how unintentional they may be.

    It's not that your accent is "wrong" (as your single-quotation marks are, you brazen hussy). T-glottaling, not to mention tense and lax vowel merging, are phonetic blasphemy to me!

    But thanks for encouraging me to learn the word "metathesis," which is the hoity-toity name for the sound reversal technique you used in your title. (My two favorite linguistics vocabulary words, in case you were wondering, are "tmesis" and "epenthesis.")

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tell me about this 'literal' pain, dear Dame. Does it rilly rilly inspire you to violence. We rilly need to have a blog off on happyvalleycrafters.com. We could sell tickets!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I rilly fill like this post is superfab.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I rilly appreciate that, Dorothy. Will you go see Rill Still with me at the theater? It has Wolverine.

      Delete