Friday, September 14, 2012

The Cotton Floozy's Cheapest Disinfectant Spray



Create the cheapest disinfectant spray you’ll ever need by simply pouring rubbing (isopropyl) alcohol into a spray bottle. 

  1. Disinfect doorknobs, faucet handles, remote controls, etc. 
  2. Spray your stinky couch.
  3. Kill fruit flies with a few easy spritzes. They die mid-flight.
  4. Remove pen and ink stains.
  5. Freshen your air and kill germs at the same time.
  6. End transference of disease by spraying the palms of yourself and your handshake mate.
  7. Stop showering, just spray yourself and then wipe down with a towel. Repeat as necessary.
  8. Avoid bothersome small-talk by randomly spraying strangers and hissing like a muskrat in heat.
  9. When ambushing celebrities you want to lick, disinfect them by spraying their foreheads. Rub off the excess with your sleeve and then proceed to lick. Fun Fact: Matthew McConaughey tastes exactly like Campbell’s Chunky™Beef with Country Vegetables soup.
  10. Ensure that the urns for the cremated ashes of your loved ones are completely sanitary by coating the inside with the spray and a teaspoon or so of the remains until you have created a soft yet gritty slurry. Rinse and dry before pouring the remaining remains into the urn.

7 comments:

  1. Proving once again that alcohol does make everything better!

    Also, strangely enough, I got the same Campbell's Beef and Country Veggie taste from my slurping Jessica Simpson's face.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is good to know since I always assumed Jessica Simpson's face tasted like Cool Ranch Dorritos.

      Delete
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