Friday, February 24, 2012

Why I haven't been posting very much lately ...

THIS IS WHY!

THE 'DANNICORN'*
If you were married to such a fine specimen as Mr. Floozy here, would you get anything done either?!


*Photo courtesy of my friend, Capree!

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Cornfed Girl likes me! She really really likes me!

And I have proof!


Johi (said Cornfed Girl and Internet Celebrity All-Star Funny Bitch) sent me a birthday package! And I opened it early, because my birthday isn't till next week and 'I hate waiting.'* 


Even her gifts prove her extreme awesomesauceness.


Best Card Ever! 




So true!


YES! My fridge will be happy and Xtra snarky now.


Creepy Doll likes her new 'Gangsta Nerd' button.


See? She gets me! And I heart her. And one of these days we are actually going to meet in person. I'm thinking Vegas. Surrounded by sexy singing drag queens while we sip mojitos at the poolside bar. Pick a date, Johi!


And for all y'all who visited today for a Friday Quote of Some Such? Sorry. The Quote Muse is taking a sabbatical. I'll let you know when she bitchslaps my face again with a quote I can't help stitching.


Stay awesome, my friends.


*Princess Bride Quote! Maybe my Quote Muse isn't broken after all.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Chickens Wearing Sweaters

How in love with these rescue hens are you?




Okay, so who has a chicken I can crochet a sweater for?


To read more about chickens wearing sweaters and how I plan to survive the upcoming Apocalypse, go and check out my Happy Valley Crafters blog post. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. Our little blog about crafting in Utah County is struggling. Think of it as a featherless rescue hen that needs your support and inspirational comments about how YOU will survive Doomsday. Thanks in advance!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy One-Balled Pirates Day!

I have a very rad cousin whom I don't see very often (close to never) but whom I still keep in touch with through Facebook. Recently her husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer and well, lost a ball. I told her that I wanted to make a sampler for her, not necessarily cancer related, but she wrote back saying that she would love an embroidery that worked in the whole losing a ball thing. SHE TOLD ME I COULD DO IT.


Hopefully today she won't unfriend me on Facebook.


So here it is in all of its weird and random glory:


one-armed pirate still has one ball!


Ahem. 


(Oh, and please ignore the weird coloration around the wording. I used water to get rid of the soluble ink.)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The WINNER and my new favorite phrase

And the winner is . . . .






congrats, Jennifer LeBaron! You are The Chosen One! Please email me your address and I will mail this lovely out to you! (thecottonfloozy@gmail.com)


At first when I picked this quote, I was like, oh, okay. But the longer I thought about it, the more I was like, whoa, yes, awesome! In fact, it is my new favorite phrase.


MR. FLOOZY: What are you wearing?!


ME: It's my new granny robe that I bought at Walmart for 3 dollars and I love it, so, get used to it.
...


CAR WASH ATTENDANT: What did you do to our car wash? It's broken!


ME: I have no spacial awareness and can never line up my wheel on the thingey so I accidentally rolled over a pipe or something. Get used to it.
...


RANDOM STRANGER: Why is your shirt on inside out?


ME: Because I am dorktarded! GET USED TO IT.

Friday, February 3, 2012

My First Giveaway!

STFU
update! I am extending the contest until 6pm tonight! (Monday, Feb 6.) That way I can choose a winner tonight, stitch it, and present the finished product in the morning.


Don't be scared of entering! Go on! Dooooo it.


Because I have a head cold that will definitely morph into a sinus infection by Monday, I am not going to stitch a "quote" today. Sooooo, (*drumroll*) I am going to do my first giveaway (<-Oprah voice). The PRIZE will be a sampler featuring a quote, saying, or lyric of YOUR CHOICE. (No illustrations, please.) And then when I have finished stitching it, I will mail it to you FREE. (International orders are OKAY.)


BOOYAH.


Here are the rules: The quote or such must not be longer than 10 words (example: the Preamble to the United States Constitution is too long.). . . . 


. . . Okay, there was only that one rule. I told you that my head hurt. 


In the comments section, leave your quote and your name. Go ahead and enter as many times as you'd like. I'll draw the winner through an app or something. I'll figure out that part later. I promise not to cheat.


AND GO!