Monday, January 28, 2013

Calm Your Tits

Today is one of those days. The school called at buttcrack o' thirty this morning, informing us that the school buses were not able to make it up the mountain to our city due to a snow storm. Which I get. My minivan is distantly related to the I-Think-I-Can-Train, but sometimes, it just can't make it up the mountain either. I totally sympathize. I am sure my car feels the same way about our mountain as I do about broken escalators. When I see a broken escalator in the mall, I suddenly lose my will to live. And all I can think about doing is donning a Snazzy Napper and taking a snooze in the back of Hot Topic.

All of my kids are home from school today. The weather is now clear and blue and chastising me for being a bad mom for letting my kids lounge around playing video games and reading Harry Potter all morning. Mr. Floozy just finished snowplowing the driveway, so now should be the time that we load them all up in the minivan and take them to school to finish the other half of the day. Instead, I think we are going to play Lurds of Waterderp. I totally creamed the whole family last time, just sayin'.

For awhile this morning I was feeling the stress of ALL THE THINGS. Of snow, of housework, of medical bills, of our dying Subura, of generally feeling like total crap these last few weeks because my health is whacked out and I should drink less Diet Coke because I am sure it is leeching the potassium right out of my body. But this is January talking. And I have forgotten how much I hate July so I need to give January some slack even though this month the air in Utah is basically teeming with Dickensian germs that are like, '''Ello, Guvnor! Blimey, I'm bloody buggered out. Mind if I rub me grubby knickers all over yor fancy indoor plumbin'?" 

You know? ALL THE THINGS.

And pardon the metaphorical whiplash, but these are the times that I try to remember the wise words of Buddha.


Calm your tits. -- Buddha
Wise words, Buddha. Wise words.

4 comments:

  1. Oh Floozy, you made me laugh, which is exactly what I needed today!

    BTW, don't feel bad for keeping the kids home! I totally would have done the same thing. Hell, if Brandon didn't take the kids to school, I would have to homeschool them because I am TOO lazy to take them to school. :-/

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  2. That Buddha is a very wise fat man. Calm your tits, indeed.

    A video game playing/Harry Potter reading day is needed sometimes. Especially in January!! Stupid January.

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  3. "Buttcrack o' thirty" and "Calm your tits" are now phrases I must use! :) Love your humor!

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