Tuesday, March 12, 2013

All the Peoples

I have very many talented friends. My friend Brad the Barista belongs to a band, so I made him this.

No, his band's name is not Human Polar Bear Centipede. Which would be awesome. But it still has a super awesome name, Tri-Polar Bear. They often play around here locally. You should go and see them if you live in Utah. Tell them that The Floozy sent you. Make sure that you look really weird and unstable while you say that, so that they run into a bathroom stall and call the police. That should be fun for everyone.

Some of my other friends are writers. My good friend, Holly Welker, not only wrote this awesome awesome you should read it article for Bitch Magazine, she also read my tarot cards last weekend. It was the first time that I have ever had my cards read, and I hate to break it to you, but the first female lady president of the united states is not going to be Hilary Clinton. It is going to be me. The cards said so.

And lastly, so many of my friends have boooooks out. Real books, with like, pages and everything! First off, there is Crimes of Humanity by Lynn Fausett, not to be confused with the outrageously fun and offensive game, Cards Against Humanity. Confession. Lynn Fausset is not my friend, for I have never met him or talked to him or poked him on Facebook. But his wife Jenny is my friend now that she has driven by the Coffee Shack enough times that I have written out her favorite latte 'The Jenny' and sticky-taped it to the wall. Hold on there. Her husband might get the wrong idea about how much money she spends on coffee and I might have just gotten her in trouble if Lynn reads this, so hey, Lynn, your wife hardly ever comes to the coffee shack and when she does, she only buys a cheap (but delicious) drip brew. 'The Jenny?' was named after another Jenny. Okay, I'll stop now, because I am only making it worse.

Ahem. Go read the book.

Another book that I highly recommend is Sweet Home by my friend, Carys Bray. Omigersh, you guys. This book of short stories is so amazingly creepy and charming and subversive. I super love it. Go forth and read it.

And lastly, because I really need to get my butt out the door so that I can get to the coffee shack on time to make Jenny 'The Jenny,' you should all read my friend Johi's chapter in the collaborative humor book I Just Want to Pee Alone. In fact, I recommend that you read all of the book, because what I have read is effing hilarious.



  1. Thanks Floozy! You warmed my cold, black heart today. You see, it snowed here. The environment needs snow. I need sunshine and green grass and flowers. Thanks for being all sunshiney and grassy and floral. Mad love.

    1. I'll return the favor when you are in full swing of reverse SAD