Friday, July 26, 2013

Spider Weather and A Whale's Vagina

Mr. Floozy has been traveling a lot lately. He took me with him on his London/Paris/Brussels/Stockholm trip last spring. I loved it. I've talked a bit about London. And a bit about Paris. But, I haven't written very much about Brussels or Stockholm. They were fabulous cities, I'm sure, but in Brussels, I was not actually in Brussels, but some rural city that had a very nice hotel but no public transportation (as far as I know). I spent my brief time there in a very luxurious hotel, enjoying the view, reading a book, and eating delicious food before being whisked off to Sweden.

And as for Sweden.... I wasn't there for very long, but it seemed very IKEAland. Nice, friendly, and tiny. Our hotel room was approximately the size of the front parlor of a cat's litter box. It was teeny. And windowless. Without windows. And completely decorated by IKEA. 

While Mr. Floozy was out schmoozing his clients, I walked around Sweden for a bit, completely disoriented. It was the exact same disorientation I feel when in IKEA. I should have gone to some of Stockholm's cool museums, but I couldn't find them. There were no large black arrows on the sidewalks to show me the way! 

I wandered through some Swedish stores that were quaint and delightful, such as H&M, Starbucks, Urban Outfitters, and H&M. There were so many H&M stores everywhere. So. Many. And so many H&M advertisements. I got tired of seeing posters of Beyonce in a bikini advertising their summer collection. 

When I was in Urban Outfitters, I noticed the shelf of novelty books near the checkout line. I pointed to the Awkward Family Photos stack, prominently displayed, and told the checkout dude, 'Hey, I am in that book. It's weird to travel all the way to Sweden and see it here. I'm the cover photo in the wedding section.' Checkout dude's eyes got really big and he stammered, 'You are a celebrity!' Which flustered me. 'No, no, definitely not a celebrity.' And then I practically ran out of the store.

Aw, Sweden. 

Later in August, Mr. Floozy is flying to Brazil to enjoy its delightful raining spiders weather, but before that trip, he is going to San Diego -- a city famous for pleasant, non-raining-spiders weather. I'm jealous of his San Diego trip, so much so, that I stitched my feelings.

San Diego, which, of course, in German means, 'A Whale's Vagina.'


  1. Holy shit, you ARE famous!!

    And my hubs travels to Brazil and other fabulous places all the time without me. I feel your pain, girl. Usually, I don't stitch it, though. I just drink. Cheers!!

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