Monday, August 5, 2013

YOU GET FORK-STABBED!

My high school reunion is coming up. The Twenty Freaking Years one. I haven't gone to any of my other high school reunions. Reunions scare me. And I hate being asked the question, "What do you do?" Is there an actual answer for that? What do I do? I cut my toenails when they get too long. I watch this thing called television. I dress up my dogs in adorable outfits. I shoot babies out of my vagina. That's what I do. Do you want to see the pictures?

And women get weird about the "what do you do?" question. Are you a stay-at-home-mom? do you work? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR KIDS IF YOU WORK? 

Stop. 

Why do people ask that? Like, the mother hasn't already thought through this problem? Huh. I am going to work and my kid can't be left alone in the house with a sleeve of crackers and a hamster cage water bottle. Huh. I should probably figure something out before I go to the office tomorrow.

And heaven forbid! if you don't have kids or aren't married, or if you are married but in the gay way. 

I feel bad for the men, too. Kind of. Okay, only the gay men who aren't out of the closet.  

Maybe before the Interwebs, high school reunions were really fun and satisfying, but I am still friends with the people I liked in high school. Even some of my favorite teachers. Thank you, Facebook! 

Soooo, I probably am not going to the high school reunion even though I belong to the Facebook group. My friend Stephanie posted this on their wall: 

"Hmmmm, I'm going to have to think about coming to this and get back to you..........

Okay, I thought about it and yeah ........ No." 

Reunions! Such a minefield of awkwardness and emotional trauma! Yespleasenothankyou!

One of the coolest people I know, Ashley McStinkerson, posted this photo on Facebook the other day with the caption, "Headed to Jordan's 10 year reunion as his Ukrainian mail order bride."



I am still laughing.

still laughing

laughing

realizing that the word "laugh" is really weird and that phonics does not make sense.

Is this not the funniest picture/story ever?!? The whole night Ashley went around saying, "He givva me smart phone and car and two babies." The McStinkersons should win the Noble Prize for Best High School Reunion Oneupmanship. 

Another example of their brilliance -- a few Halloweens ago -- they dressed up as the McPoyles for a costume party. 




Read their blog post about it. The funny.

Ashley and Jordan? I got arrested while trying to steal a nobel prize medal, so I made this for you instead.


YOU GET FORK-STABBED!

7 comments:

  1. My 20th is coming up as well. And I feel the same . . . those I wanted to stay in contact with are on my FB page. Those I don't . . . why would I want to stand around forcing myself to make small talk to?

    Oh, and my reunion? In a bar, managed by my former best friend now enemy (long story), and on my anniversary. Yeah, I think I'll pass.

    Unless . . . I wonder if my former classmates would buy me as an Ukranian bride. Hmmmm...

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    Replies
    1. You need to bring someone with you whom your classmates have never met. For example, a man that looks like Brad Pitt, or even better, Brad Pitt himself.

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  2. I literally LOLed on the whole "What do you DO?" thing. So true. I love it.
    And your friends. They are the shit.
    My 20th should be happening this year but no one has organized it because I'm pretty sure no one gives a poo. I graduated with 36 people. 33 of us are on Facebook. Do we really need to smell each other in the flesh? Nah.

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    Replies
    1. You win for the smallest class size. I am worried about the three people from your school who aren't on Facebook.

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  3. My 10-year reunion is sometime this month. It's a big fat nope for me. Surrounded by people I don't know or like asking me personal questions? NOPE.

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  4. No hesitation the plight of homosexuals is on the top of the list of social problems professed in the EU because this week a meeting is taking place in Europe to address the fact that not everyone is getting onboard with the "gay agenda. Homophobia, transphobia and other forms of sexual orientation discrimination is said to still exist in the EU on a larger scale than the Union wants to see.

    ReplyDelete