Monday, April 14, 2014

That Time I Filled in My 7th Grade Daughter's Goal Setting Page at Parent Teacher Conference For Her:

Goal Setting
Spartan Target Conferences

After reviewing my learning targets, assessments, and report card, my academic or behavioral goal is . . .

. . . to turn in my assignments.

Steps I will take to achieve my goal:

1. I will make sure that I finish and complete my homework assignments while in the corporeal plane and not from my astral body which sits nightly, lotus-position, on an icy cliff top of Nanga Parbat in the Himalayas.

2. After I finish my homework, I won't leave it at home, even if that means inventing a time machine, going back in time to the morning the assignment is due, reminding my past self not to forget to put the assignment in my backpack, being careful not to scare my past self, lest I create a time paradox and a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe.

3. Once I am at school with the actual physical incarnation of my homework assignment in my hands, I will adopt a British accent and a humble mien and fall upon my knees in front of my teacher, imploring her to take the assignment from my outstretched fingers, promising her fresh flower wreaths and gold-foiled chocolates if she grades my homework with benevolence and a sparing red pen, thus harkening to the bowels of her everlasting mercy, amen.