THE COTTON FLOOZY'S SALES AGREEMENT
As an artist who makes everything by hand in dim lighting without the aid of sweatshop workers or elves, I retain the rights to the patterns I create for custom orders. I reserve the right to reuse my patterns and to post photographs of my finished (hand-stitched-in-dim-lighting) embroideries. Like other fan artists, I allege that my embroidery work is transformative and permissible under the fair use principles of U.S. copyright laws. I do not sell enough embroidery commissions to warrant any freaking out from the owners of any copyrighted materials, whereas I only make enough money to buy an occasional McDonald's Breakfast Combo #9 with a super-sized Diet Coke to-go. If you have a beef with anything I have made or do not feel properly attributed, please email me directly at email@example.com and I will consult that cold dark stone that is my heart after I make a phone call to my kickass big sister lawyer.
If you would like to buy an embroidery pattern that I create, for exclusive rights, to be used only by you or your very own equestrian dressage society, then you must agree to pay the full price of $250. Which would make me very happy indeed, because then I would be able to afford the medication I will need to unclot the McDonald's Breakfast Combo #9 from my cold dark heart.
I will assume that you agree to my terms unless you write me an email in caps-locked comic sans font stating that you do not agree to my terms. In which case, I will politely decline doing business with you.
If you are the awesome person whom I believe you to be, and have made it through this delightful sales agreement without falling asleep, thank you for commissioning a custom order from me. Let's be friends. Want to meet for McBrunch?
The Cotton Floozy